


Letters To Spock

by fiveainley_ohmy



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: (yet), Alternate Universe - Movie Fusion, Bones is ride or die, Grumpy Bones is grumpy, Happy Ending, Jim is a cute lil shit, Letters To Juliet - Freeform, Long lost love, M/M, Old Not Married Spirk, Reunion, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-08
Updated: 2017-08-14
Packaged: 2018-12-12 14:28:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11738949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiveainley_ohmy/pseuds/fiveainley_ohmy
Summary: Fifty years ago, James Kirk recorded a secret. Fifty years later, someone hears it.





	1. The Recording

_Captain’s Log, stardate 6247.3. Tomorrow, the_ Enterprise _docks at Starbase 8, and our five year mission is complete. We have gained and lost friends along the way, but all under my command have served faithfully and courageously. If I could, I would award them all the highest of commendations. This truly is the greatest crew in Starfleet. It has been my great honor to lead them. This concludes my final log. Captain James Tiberius Kirk._

_Computer, delete this next part._

_On a more personal note...I don't know what to do about Spock. He's my best friend, and the greatest officer and right hand anyone could ask for. And tomorrow I have to tell him goodbye. Spock has informed me that he's going back to Vulcan to undergo some sort of rite of passage, something he called “kolinahr”. He didn't elaborate, but I looked it up and found out that it's a ritual purging of all emotion. Apparently only the most orthodox of Vulcans partake in this event, as it is highly strenuous and difficult. But I know Spock can achieve anything he sets his mind to._

_So how do I deal with the awful truth that I'm desperately in love with him?_

_I can't tell him, not now. Maybe I had a chance before. But telling him I love him would only confuse him, and if this “kolinahr” thing is what he really wants, it would be selfish to try to keep him from it._

_But I know I could make him so happy. Spock would claim that Vulcans don't feel happiness, or love, but I know that's wrong. I've seen that Spock loves me. The connection we share stretches beyond just friendship or brotherhood. I know in my heart that Spock is my true love, and tomorrow he's setting out to rid himself of his love for me. It...disgusts him, what we share._

_If I asked, he would stay. But doing that would be asking Spock to live a lifestyle he detests. He may love me, but he would hate being with me. So...I have to let him go. I'll make myself move on from him. But I know, no matter what I do, where I go, who I'm with...I will love Spock forever._

Zera Qalex gasped softly, wiping tears from her eyes. It was the year 2313, fifty years after the recording she was listening to was made. The antique starship, the _Enterprise_ , was being stripped to be preserved in a museum, and Zera was assigned to retrieve sound bytes for the museum’s audio tour. By some computer glitch, the omission had been saved in a back door file, which Zera was now listening to. None of the Captain's heartfelt confession of love for the Vulcan first officer had been on the official record.

“Zera?” said her friend and coworker Presco in concern. “Are you alright?”

“Oh! Yeah.” Zera snorted and dabbed at her eyes and snout. “I'm just going through the last of James Kirk's logs.”

“Good. We can finally move onto Decker’s entries,” said Presco. “But why are you crying?”

“The ship’s computer accidentally saved a recording Kirk made and erased, but it was never found. He was making the most heartfelt declaration of love - about the first officer!”

“That was...” Presco thought for a second. “Commander Spock, right? The Vulcan?”

“Yes!” said Zera. “Oh, Presco, it was so sad! Kirk loved him so much! But he let him go because he thought Spock would be happier without him. Isn't that the most heartbreaking thing you've ever heard?”

Presco smiled. “Ever the soft hearted one, you are.”

“Well, I better delete it so no one else ever finds it...” Zera was about to erase Kirk's confession, then paused. She pulled a blank memory tape out of the side drawer of her desk and entered it into the computer, scanning the sound byte onto it. She ejected the chip and deleted the confession. “There.”

“Why did you save it?” Presco said.

Zera smiled. “It might come in handy.”

Later that night, Zera looked up “Kirk, James Tiberius” and found his home address in the records. Apparently he and a friend had moved into an apartment together in San Francisco, on the planet Earth. Zera placed the tape in a delivery tube with a small note, then deposited it in the outgoing mail shoot. The space mail ship was unfortunately slower than just beaming the package straight to Kirk's home, and would take several weeks to get to Earth, but it was Zera’s only option. Zera thought Kirk should have the love letter he'd written so many years ago.

* * *

A month later, as Zera, Presco, and their other two members of their team were getting ready to finish the project, an unfamiliar man came into their office. “Hello?” he said. The man was old and skinny, with white hair and bright blue eyes. “Is there a ‘Zeera Quay-lex’ here?”

“Uh. It's ‘Zerra Kay-lex’, actually,” said Zera, stepping forward.

The man stared at her, taken aback by something. “Good Lord, girl! You really should see someone about that nose!”

Zera touched her snout, suddenly self-conscious. “I'm half Tellarite. It's supposed to look like this.”

“Hmph,” huffed the old man. He had a gruff voice with a slight Earth American Southern accent. “And I suppose the ears are supposed to look like that too, eh? Well, I guess pink and floppy’s better than green and pointed.”

Zera scowled at him. “Listen, you old racist, did you come here just to insult my appearance or did you want to ask me a question?”

The old man actually laughed at that. “Now that's a Tellarite temper if I ever saw one! Listen, Zeera, my name’s Leonard Horatio McCoy. _Doctor_. Are you the one that sent my roommate Jim Kirk that package with the tape in it?”

“He got it?!” said Zera excitedly.

“He sure did,” said Dr. McCoy. “Now...what the hell were you thinking?!”

Zera blinked. “What?”

“It's been fifty years!” McCoy groused. “And gettin’ over that damn Vulcan took forty five of ‘em, I swear. Now you go and drag those feelings back up.”

Zera was at a loss for words, yet she managed to find some. “I'm sorry, I didn't know true love had an expiration date.”

McCoy laughed derisively at that. “ _True love_? Are you outta your mind, girly? It takes at least two for love, and in case you haven't heard, Vulcans don't do that. But thank you very much for bringing back those painful memories for Jim.” With one last scowl, McCoy turned and strode away at an impressive speed for a man his age.

Zera was left standing there in shock. Then, she snapped out of it and took off after the old man.

“So what, you came all this way to give me a lecture?” Zera shouted after the doctor.

“No, I came because I couldn’t let Jim come alone.”

“Jim? Wait, Captain Kirk is here?!” gasped Zera. “Why?”

“He's an admiral now, and I think even you can figure that one out, Miss Piggy,” McCoy called over his shoulder.

Zera thought for a second, then froze in her footsteps. “Oh my God...he's come to find his true love!”

“There you go again with the true love crap,” McCoy said, rolling his eyes.

Zera sped up to the doctor and planted herself firmly in front of him. “They _were_ in love. Admiral Kirk knew it, and so do you.”

McCoy sighed. “It doesn't matter. That stupid hobgoblin broke Jim's heart, and now you're doing it all over again.”

“But this could be their chance!” Zera insisted. “Jim and Spock could be together again!”

McCoy burned her with his icy glare. “Suppose Spock went through his Vulcan cleansing thing and _can't_ love Jim. Or maybe he doesn't want to see Jim. Or he's got a family of his own now. Or he's _dead_ , let's just add for fun...what then?”

Zera was quiet. She hadn't thought of that.

“Mhmm. Thought so.” McCoy walked around her and continued on his way.

“I want to meet him,” Zera declared. “I want to meet Admiral Kirk.”

“And I want a real mint julep and a lap dance from an Orion girl. I guess we're both disappointed.”

“You really think he wouldn't want to meet me?” Zera challenged.

McCoy stopped and turned around to squint at her. Finally the old man sighed. “Alright! Can't hardly stop you, can I? I'm a doctor, not a pig wrangler.”

Zera squealed excitedly and hurried to catch up with the aged doctor.

* * *

McCoy and Zera found the old admiral in the _Enterprise_ storage bay. Kirk was standing on the observation platform, staring at the old ship lovingly. “She's as beautiful as the day I boarded her, Bones,” he rumbled.

“Yeah,” agreed McCoy. “She's a fine old bird. Amazing that bucket of bolts survived all these years.”

“Now she's going in a museum,” sighed Kirk. “Makes me wonder when they're going to put us in a museum.”

“Admiral?” said Zera tentatively. Kirk turned around. “Hi. I'm-”

“You must be Zera,” said Kirk with a warm grin. He looked just like his pictures, albeit significantly older. His hair was silver, and he had more body fat than he had fifty years ago, but he was unquestionably James T. Kirk.

Zera smiled nervously as she shook his hand. “I'm so glad to meet you. I'm part of the team that's setting up this museum. You're getting your own wing.”

“Am I? Well, as long as it's bigger that Pike’s, I’m satisfied,” chuckled Kirk. “But how did you even find that recording anyway?”

“The computer must have saved it in a hidden file location. Don't worry, I wiped it from the system and left just the official log. The only recording left is the one you have.”

“Well, thank you so much for your letter. It really brought back some happy memories.”

Zera’s nerves fell away. “Yes, Dr. McCoy found me. He thought you'd like to meet me.” She flashed a cheerful grin at the old doctor.

“Really?” Kirk looked at McCoy. “Uncharacteristically friendly of you, Bones.”

McCoy grimaced. “Seemed fitting to meet the person _responsible_ for this damned fools’ errand.”

The admiral chuckled. “Bones doesn’t approve. Which makes it all the more fun.”

Zera giggled. “So you've come to find your Spock.”

Kirk smiled shyly. “I'd like to. I lost touch with him after our five year mission was over. I just wanna...see him again. See if he's happy, where his life ended up. He's my best friend, and I miss him.”

“What am I, chopped liver?” grumbled McCoy.

“Okay, best friend apart from you, satisfied?” sighed Kirk.

“And you think he's here?” Zera asked.

“No, this is just a stopover on our way to Vulcan. Wanted to see the old girl again.” Kirk cast another fond smile at his former ship. “If I know Spock, I'll be willing to bet that he stayed on Vulcan. Probably living as some kind of...logic monk.”

“This is completely idiotic, Jim,” McCoy said. “Vulcan is a gigantic planet, three times the size of Earth, and 270% more land mass!”

Kirk and Zera looked surprised.

“Oh, what? You didn't think I was good at math? You don't become a doctor by bein’ a dummy! My point is, even if Spock is on Vulcan, finding him could take forever! What do you plan to do, knock up every house on Vulcan and ask if Spock's home?”

Kirk's shoulders sagged, and his face fell. “You're probably right. God, I'm such a fool. We might as well go home.”

“Hey!” said Zera. “Just because it's difficult doesn't mean it's impossible! There's a way to find Spock, I know there is. You shouldn't give up, Admiral. Not if it really is true love.”

Kirk considered that for a moment...then slowly he smiled. Zera smiled too. She'd been right about Kirk - he was a romantic.

McCoy sighed, knowing he was beaten. “Dammit. You're going to drag me all over that planet looking for your beloved hobgoblin, aren't you.”

“Correction: _we're_ going to drag you all over that planet,” said Kirk with a grin. “Because Zera's coming too. Won't you, Zera?”

“I would love to, Admiral!” gushed Zera.

“ _What?!_ ” McCoy exclaimed. “No way. Absolutely not.”

“It's a great idea, Bones! Zera can help us find him! Plus she sent the tape - she deserves to get to come along,” Kirk said.

“There's no room in our ship!”

“What do you mean, there's plenty of room! There's four beds in our transport shuttle, and with Zera it would only be three of us.”

“Well I'm sure Miss Qalex has other things to do besides hang around with two old bachelors.”

“No, after today, I'm totally free,” said Zera. “My museum work is done, and I've got vacation time after that.”

“Don't you have a life? Family, friends? Boyfriend, girlfriend?”

“I'm on my own,” said Zera. “And this is what I want to do with my vacation time. I want to find out what happens!”

McCoy threw up his hands. “Alright! I know when I'm beat! Let's get this damn adventure on the road.”


	2. The Mission

Despite all the Federation planets she had visited, Zera had never seen Vulcan before. She gazed out the window of the small passenger cruiser in awe at the large red planet. "It's so big," she said.

Suddenly Zera felt a sharp prick at her neck and heard a _hissss_. "Ow!" she exclaimed, and slapped the back of her neck as Dr. McCoy pulled the hypospray away. "What was that?!"

"Tri-ox compound," said McCoy. "Believe me, you're gonna need it down there. And be sure to stay well hydrated. They don't say 'hot as Vulcan' for nothin'."

The Admiral, who had told Zera to call him Jim, came and sat next to her, patting her shoulder. "Don't mind him. Space travel has always made Bones a little irritable." Jim smiled. "He had to give me a tri-ox too the last time we were here."

"What happened when you were here last time?" Zera said out of curiosity.

"Oh, Spock killed me," Jim said casually.

" _What?!_ " Zera said.

"Well he didn't _really_ kill me, obviously. And it wasn't his fault. It's a long story, but luckily Bones saved me. He gave me what I thought was a tri-ox compound, but it was actually a neural paralyzer to simulate death." Kirk looked out the window at the approaching planet, and Zera could tell he was remembering. "I almost lost Spock that day," Kirk said softly. "He was going to marry someone else."

"Did he?" Zera asked.

"No. She didn't want him." Jim shook his head. "I don't know how _anyone_ could not want Spock. He's _wonderful_ \- for all his stoic, logical ways, he could be so sweet and thoughtful. And brave - he always helped people, no matter the danger to himself. He had this dry wit that always made me laugh. And he's the smartest person I've ever known." Jim's hazel eyes were practically sparkling as he gushed about the man.

"You really love him," grinned Zera. "You just light up when you talk about him."

"Do you want to see a picture?" Jim said, already reaching for the inside pocket of his jacket. He pulled out a small, old fashioned print photo, yellowed and worn with age. In the picture, there were two men. The shorter man on the right was Jim, giving the camera a sunny grin. His arm was slung around the shoulders of a taller, more slender man, with dark hair cut severely around his elf-like ears. His expression was serious, but there was a subtle softness in his brown eyes that Zera could detect that was almost like a smile. "Aww, he's so cute!" she said.

"Yeah, don't let him hear you say that," Jim chuckled, gazing fondly at the photo. "Being told that he was cute really used to tick Spock off. He would raise his eyebrow at you and glare."

"Unless you were Jim," McCoy cut in. "Then Spock would just blush."

Zera giggled.

"I hate to interrupt this trip down memory lane," McCoy continued, "but we're getting in landing range, so Jim, you're gonna have to take the wheel."

"Aye aye, 'Captain' McCoy," Jim teased, getting up to take the pilot's seat.

* * *

After landing on Vulcan, near the capital city, Shi'Kahr, Jim, McCoy, and Zera took a land rover out into the desert. It was still a four hour trek from the city, and Bones grumbled that they might as well have just landed the shuttlecraft at their destination, even though he knew full well that was illegal. Zera was glad for the protective cover. The doctor hadn't lied about the harsh conditions of the planet. A human (or half Tellarite) could live there, but not comfortably. The air was warm, dry, and thin. Zera took a sip from her water container.

"Spock's family home is just over this hill up ahead," Jim said over his shoulder from his place in the driver's seat. "I figure it's a good place to start."

"What are you going to say to him?" Zera asked.

"I figured I'd start with...'hello'."

"And then?"

Jim smiled wistfully. "I really don't know. To be totally honest...I'm worried that he won't want to see me. That he'll be...embarrassed of me."

McCoy touched Jim's shoulder. "Then maybe we should turn around. Before this all ends in hurt feelings," he said quietly.

Zera could see from the gentleness McCoy was exhibiting that he actually was just concerned for his friend, and that made her feel a little more warmly toward the old man. McCoy may be gruff and make personal remarks. But underneath the grumpy old man exterior, McCoy just wanted Jim not to get hurt.

Jim seemed to know that too. He smiled at McCoy, but continued to drive.

Soon they reached a environmental bubble in the center of a large flat piece of land. The inside of the bubble was drastically different than the desert around it. It was lush and green, with healthy trees  and flowers all around the grand house, like a lush Earth lawn. "It's so beautiful!" Zera gasped.

"That's Amanda's doing," said Jim. "Spock's mother was human. She had a real green thumb and wanted to bring some life to this dusty ball. Spock's family is sort of a big deal and they have money, so Sarek, Spock's father, had that bubble built so she could spruce the place up."

The rover pulled to a halt near the front hatch of the bubble. "It's a wonder Spock didn't get lost as a kid, surrounded by all that green," McCoy joked. "He would've blended right in."

"Behave, Bones," Jim chuckled, opening his door.

The three climbed out and approached the bubble. Jim seemed to gather his nerve, then pressed the visitor alert button.

They waited for a minute or so. Zera wiped some perspiration from her forehead. "Man, I'm sweating like-"

"A pig?" McCoy finished with a grin.

Zera stuck her tongue out at him.

The hatch slid open to reveal a Vulcan woman. "May I help you?" she asked.

Jim smiled. "Hello. My name is James Kirk. I'm looking for an old friend of mine. His name is Spock."

The woman raised an eyebrow in a familiar manner. "Indeed? I am Solor. Spock is my older cousin."

"Is he here?" said Jim anxiously.

"My cousin has not been seen for several years. He lives in solitude in a place I know not where."

"Did he ever finish that 'colon ear' thing?" McCoy inquired.

Solor stared at him in what Zera guessed was the Vulcan equivalent of a glare. "My cousin underwent koli _nahr_  fifty of your Earth years ago, but it is believed he was unsuccessful. It is only to be expected, considering."

"Considering...what?" Zera asked.

"He is half human," Solor replied. "How could he be expected to suppress his weaker, emotional side? It is only-"

"Lady, you say 'logical' and I'll knock you on your can," McCoy growled.

Solor's eyes slightly widened, obviously the Vulcan equivalent of shocked. "You are clearly a less evolved creature if you resort to petty threats of violence when presented with irrefutable facts that displease you. I will not speak to you any further." The Vulcan turned away, and the hatch closed behind her.

"How do you like that?!" Bones said. "Vulcans. All the same - snooty elitists with sticks up their...Jim, what the hell are you so jolly about?"

Jim was smiling ear to ear. "Spock didn't go through kolinahr!" he said joyously. "He still has his feelings. We have a chance."

"Well that's fine and dandy, but there's still the matter of finding him," Bones pointed out. "And if his own _family_ doesn't know where he is, what makes you think we'll fare any better?"

"There must be a way," Jim insisted. "You know I don't believe in no-win scenarios."

"Well, to coin a phrase from the early 21st century...why don't we Google him?" Zera suggested.

McCoy stared at her incredulously. "'Google him'? You wanna run a census search of the whole planet?"

Zera looked at Jim and shrugged. "How many Spocks can there be?"

* * *

Apparently "Spock" was as common a male Vulcan name as "John" was for human men. "11,000!" Bones exclaimed, staring at the PADD in his hand in disbelief. "11,000 Spocks on this hellhole planet! Y'all are lookin' for hay in a haystack! No damn way, we're leaving tomorrow-"

"Now hold on," said Jim patiently. "There must a way to narrow it down to our guy."

Zera took the PADD from Bones. "Luckily for you old geezers, I know a thing or two about technology. That is what got us here, remember?" She smirked. "Okay, so Spock is what, about 90 years old? Obviously we can tick off kids and younger adults..." Zera's fingers skated across the PADD's touchscreen. "There! 2,034 results. That's not so bad, right?"

"Kid, seven or eight results is 'not so bad'. Two thousand is 'still a snowball's chance'."

Zera bit her lip. "Well, we obviously can't scour the whole planet. But maybe we could narrow it down to a region?" Zera looked at Jim. "You knew him better than anyone. Do you think he'd stay in the near vicinity of his family home?"

"Well...I know Spock would have wanted to be able to visit his mother often," Jim pondered aloud. "And I can't imagine Spock picking up and leaving after her death without good reason. Spock was a very habitual individual; didn't like unnecessary change."

Zera nodded. Finding approximately where on the map the house of Sarek was, she placed a circle on the map, with the house as the central point. The radius of the circle stretched to the outer edge of Shi'Kahr. There were 13 possible Spocks within the region, 8 in the city and 5 scattered out here in the rural lands.

Zera smiled and showed the two men the screen. "Our Spocks."

Jim grinned. Bones groaned.


	3. The Search

Jim reasoned that Spock would probably persue a career in science and would want to be close to technology, so he suggested they check the city Spocks first. Bones and Zera agreed, and they made the long pilgrimage back to Shi'Kahr.

The first Spock on the list owned a museum. "Spock liked history and art," Jim said. "This could be him."

But when they dropped by Spock #1's office, Jim said quietly to Zera, "It's not him. It's not his eyes."

Jim and Bones conversated with the man politely, even though they knew it was not their former friend, and ultimately the group left unsatisfied.

"One down," Bones mumbled as they climbed into the car. "Twelve to go."

Spock #2 was a librarian, and Jim seemed even more optimistic about this one. "Spock loves reading! It's one of the things we have in common. This could be it!"

But this one was not their Spock either.

Spock #3 was a therapist. Spock #4 was a sculptor. They also were the wrong Spock.

Spock #5 was living in a retirement home for disabled Vulcans. An attendant brought out an elderly Vulcan walking with a cane and wearing dark glasses over his eyes - he had lost his sight in his old age. Ironically,  _his_ Spock had also once gone blind (temporarily), Jim remarked later. But Jim and Bones didn't have to see Spock #5's eyes to know that this wasn't the right one either.

The determined gleam in Jim's eye was diminishing. Zera squeezed his shoulder. "We're only getting closer to the right Spock," she said.

Jim smiled and patted her hand. "Of course we are, dear."

But #6, #7, and #8 were wrong too. "Well," grunted Bones. "That was the last Spock in the city. It'll be the middle of the damn night by the time we get to the country. And frankly, I'm beat."

"I'm tired too," said Zera. "Let's check into a hotel for the night and grab some dinner. On me."

"Oh no, we couldn't let you-" Jim began to say.

"Jim," Bones cut his friend off. "If the little lady wants to pay, we should let her pay."

Zera rolled her eyes. "Thanks, Moneybags McCoy."

Jim laughed.

* * *

"So if you order a pork dish, is it technically cannibalism?" Bones asked Zera over dinner in the hotel restaurant. He grinned like the rascal he was.

"Ha ha ha," said Zera sarcastically. "Not that they'd even serve pork at a Vulcan restaurant."

"Yeah," sighed Bones as he stared at the menu, which included a helpful translation in Federation Standard. "Damn vegetarians. I could really go for a bacon cheeseburger right now."

"Better watch those arteries, Bones," Jim teased. "You're definitely not 30 anymore."

"Hey, who's the doctor here, you or me?" Bones said. "Anyway, you better savor the taste of meat while you still can, Jim. If you and that hobgoblin decide to nest together, you'll probably have to give it up."

"I don't mind so much." Jim smiled sinfully. "I'm hoping to put a different kind of meat in my mouth."

Bones gagged, and Zera burst into laughter, snorting sporadically. Jim looked very proud of himself.

"But seriously, Jim," said Zera once she'd collected herself, "what if you really did marry Spock after all these years? What would that even be like?"

"Oh...not that much different from  our five year mission, I imagine," Jim said thoughtfully.

"Only less Klingons," Bones pointed out.

"Or Tribbles," Jim added, grinning.

"Or parallel universes."

"Or salt-sucking shapeshifters."

"Or 1920s gangsters."

"Or Abe Lincoln."

" _What?!_ " exclaimed Zera, completely lost.

Jim and Bones looked at each other and laughed. "Sorry, kiddo," the doctor apologized. "Just some inside jokes."

"What's funny is that Bones always used to say that Spock and I were like a married couple," Jim said, amused. "We got along well, we made each other laugh, we shared interests, we had deep conversations. We were always very supportive of each other, and protective. And I won't lie, I flirted with him - a _lot_. And I think Spock, in his own Vulcan way, flirted with me back sometimes."

"It was truly disgusting," Bones nodded. "We'd be in the middle of an emergency or a fight with the Romulans or something, and those two would be makin' goo-goo eyes at each other."

"Bones acts a crotchety old man, because he is," chuckled Jim, "but deep down he's really a romantic. He was rooting for me and Spock the entire time we all knew each other. It was only after Spock left that Bones truly started despising him, for some reason."

"He hurt my best friend," Bones growled. "And I owe anyone who does that a punch in the nose."

"Aww, Leonard, you _do_ care," cooed Jim, leaning over to plant a big, sloppy kiss on the doctor's cheek.

"Ah, stop it, ya big lug!" Bones groaned, wiping Jim's slobber from his cheek. "You may be a cutie pie, darlin', but you ain't my type."

"Oh please, I'm everyone's type." Jim winked playfully at Zera. The woman giggled, getting a flash of the flirtatious, handsome young officer the Admiral had once been.

After their meal, Bones took his leave of the other two, heading up to his and Jim's room. Jim looked at Zera. "I can't imagine your family likes being so out of touch with you for this long," he said.

Zera shrugged nonchalantly. "Don't have any."

"No family?" Jim said in surprise. "What about your parents?"

"My mom died giving birth to me," Zera admitted. "She was human. And my father...he loved her very deeply, according to my aunt. She raised me after..." She trailed off, looking at her lap.

"After?"

Zera shrugged. "The grief was too much for my dad. I reminded him too much of my mom, I guess. He left me with my mother's family and...I never heard from him again."

"Oh, honey..." Jim squeezed Zera's hand. "I'm so sorry."

"Thanks," Zera said, squeezing Jim's hand back. "But it doesn't really hurt. I never knew him, or my mom. Still...I wish I could have met him, just once. Just so I could ask him...why didn't he love me enough to stay." Zera smiled painfully. "Maybe that's why I wanna help you find Spock. I don't know."

Jim shook his head. "You know, I'd give anything to be able to see my son."

"You have a son?" Zera said in surprise.

"Old relationship, way before I met Spock. His name is David. His mother was a brilliant scientist. But she didn't want David to know me. I wouldn't have been able to be the father he deserved. I would've been gone on Starfleet business all the time, with no proper time for David. She was right." Jim sighed. "I haven't seen him since he was two. My God, he must have kids of his own now...I don't know how anyone walks away from their own child voluntarily." Jim looked at Zera. "I know if you were my daughter, I'd love the hell out of you."

Zera closed her eyes and smiled. "Thank you. You have no idea what that means to me. And I think your old girlfriend was wrong. I think you'd make a great dad."

Jim sadly smiled. Then, taking on a lighter mien, he stood up and offered Zera his arm. "May I walk you to your room, Miss Qalex?"

"Why, Admiral," Zera mock-gasped. "Shouldn't you at least buy me a drink first?" she teased, even as she took his proffered elbow. They chuckled together as they left the room.


	4. The Desert

The trio got an early start in the morning and drove the land rover back out into the hot, sandy, unforgiving abyss. Bones, to Zera's surprise, actually _smiled_ and squeezed Jim's shoulder. "Are you ready, Jimmy Boy? Are you ready to see your green bean today?"

Jim smiled too. "I've been ready for the last fifty years."

Zera elbowed the old doctor. "Well someone's certainly changed their tune," she said smugly.

Bones rolled his blue eyes. "I guess you've contaminated me, Porky."

They arrived at Spock #9's residence, and Bones whistled in awe. "Goddamn. It's like a palace."

Spock #9's home was guarded by an elegant gate, and the grounds were vast and sprawling. Dedicated gardeners had managed to get a fair snout of vegetation to grow to combat the lifeless desert sand. "Is it possible that Spock's a secret prince or something?" Bones remarked.

The owner of the estate was not a prince; he was a magnate of precious Vulcan metalloids. He also was not the Spock they were looking for. "Sorry, Jimmy, your princess is in another tower," Bones had said to the Admiral.

Still, this Spock was usually welcoming for a Vulcan, and offered the gang some lunch and a tour of his home. He almost seemed... _interested_ in Jim.

"Admiral, your Spock does not know how fortunate is," said Spock #9 as he and Jim walked through the garden area, with Bones and Zera following at a respectful enough distance, but just close enough that they could read the lips of the other two. "He also must not know how foolish he is. If you had been my friend, I would have remained at your side to the best of my capability."

"I thought Vulcans don't flirt," whispered Zera.

"Apparently Jim is the exception to the rule," Bones muttered back.

Eventually, the gang made the excuses and departed the estate. "I still say you shoulda gotten his number, Jim," Bones said as they claimed in the rover. "You would've been spoiled rotten by that guy."

"I've got my own Vulcan, thank you very much. And we'd better get underway if we want to find him before the day's over."

* * *

Gradually they went down the list. Spock #10. Spock #11. Both weren't the right one.

Then they got to Spock #12.

Jim, Bones, and Zera were greeted at the door by a woman in black robes. "Hello," said Jim pleasantly. "I'm James Kirk, these are my friends, Leonard McCoy and Zera Qalex. We're looking for a man named Spock - is he here?"

The woman raised an eyebrow. "Are you friends of Spock?"

"Yes," said Jim. "We haven't seen him in a very long time."

"Then I regret to inform you," said the woman, "that Spock passed two days."

The light in Jim's eyes extinguished. Zera softly gasped. Bones touched Jim's shoulder.

"It will comfort you to know that he did not suffer," continued the woman. "He died peacefully, in his sleep."

Jim seemed disoriented for a second. Then he looked at the woman. "Thank you. _S'ti th'laktra_."

The woman nodded. "I grieve with thee, as well."

Hearts heavy, the trio turned and went back to the car.

Jim leaned against the hood of the rover, processing the information. Bones turned at glared at Zera. "I knew it. I said this would happen."

"We don't know it's him," Zera said.

"I hope it's not," Bones said shortly. "But either way, we're finished here."

"What?! We can't give up now! We've only got one more to go-"

"God, you just don't know when to quit, do you?" Bones snapped. "That damn Vulcan already broke his heart once! How many times would you have it get broken again?...You know, I wouldn't expect you to understand, because you don't know how it feels to be left by someone!"

The doctor's words cut into Zera like a knife. Her eyes welled up with tears, and wiping them away, she brushed past Bones and got into the car, slamming the door behind her.

Jim looked at Bones. "You're wrong. Zera's mother died when she was born. And her father abandoned her."

Bones looked surprised, then ashamed. Then he shook his head stubbornly. "That's different than this," he growled.

"You're right," Jim said. "Because Zera was left all alone. At least when Spock left me, I still had you."

With that, Jim wordlessly climbed into the car too, leaving Bones alone in the desert heat.

Bones's shoulders sagged, and he kicked the red dust around his feet half-heartedly. "Dammit."

* * *

It was a tense drive back to the city. Jim focused on driving, Bones stared out the window, and Zera sat in the back, zoned out. Everyone was completely silent.

Suddenly, when they were about ten miles from Shi'Kahr, the rover began to decelerate. Bones sat up from where he'd been slumped in his seat. "Why are we stopping?"

"I don't know, I'm not doing this...uh oh."

"Uh oh what?" Bones said.

Jim looked at him sheepishly. "I _might_ have forgotten to fuel up before we left Shi'Kahr."

The rover slowly rumbled to a halt.

"Well this is just dandy," grumbled Bones. "I don't suppose Triple A services extend all the way to Vulcan."

Zera unbuckled her seat belt. "There was a small tea farm about half a mile back. I'll go get someone to tow us."

"Here, we'll go with you," Jim offered, making to get out too.

"Someone has to stay here with the rover. Besides, that's way too far for two men your age to be walking in this heat."

"You'll fry like bacon out there!" Bones protested.

Zera glared at him. "Well at least now _you'll_ know how it feels to be left by someone," she spat, climbing out and slamming her door.

Jim looked at Bones and shrugged. "You had that one coming."

* * *

About fifteen grueling minutes later, Zera reached the porch of the farmhouse. She could seriously use a nice cool mud bath after this. Panting, Zera pressed the doorbell.

After a moment, the door was opened by an old Vulcan man. "May I help you?" he asked, not unkindly.

"Hi, I'm Zera, and me and my friends were driving back to Shi'Kahr when we ran out of fuel, about half a mile away. I hate to trouble you, but you could _please_ give us a tow back to town?"

"Of course," said the farmer, nodding. "It is no trouble at all. Follow me to my vehicle, and we will go to your friends."

"Thank you so much," said Zera gratefully. "And, you don't happen to have any cold water, do you?"

Two minutes and one glass of water later, Zera and the tea farmer pulled up to where Jim and Bones were waiting. The two men climbed out as soon as they saw them.

Zera and the farmer got out of their own transport. "Good news, this guy is gonna give a tow-"

"Oh my _God_ ," said Bones, staring at the old farmer in disbelief. "I don't believe it."

Zera blinked. "What?"

"Are you _shitting_ me?!" Bones exclaimed.

"What?!" Zera repeated.

The Vulcan farmer had locked eyes with Jim, staring at him as if he had seen a ghost. Jim was looking back at him as if he was seeing an angel.

Slowly, the farmer ambled toward the Admiral. They drank in each other for another moment. Then the Vulcan softly said: "Jim? _Qual se tu?_ "

"Yes," whispered Jim. " _Yes_ , Spock." He broke into a tearful grin. "Hello."

"Oh my God," Zera said softly, covering her own elated smile with her hand.

Spock took a deep breath. He took Jim's hand and held it tenderly with his own. "It has been many years,  _t'nash-veh yel_."

"Yes," Jim nodded. "Fifty years... _t'nash-veh aikum_."

Spock's eyebrows rose in genuine surprise. "You learned Vulcan?"

Jim smiled shyly, his cheeks turning slightly pink. "I wanted to surprise you, if we ever met again."

Spock nodded his head. "You have."

Jim laughed. Once again, his eyes seemed to light up just for the Vulcan. There was an adoring gleam in Spock's eye as well. And Zera might have been imagining it, but it looked like Spock's cheeks were a bit greener than normal.

The Vulcan gazed steadily at the human a little longer, then released his hand and took a step back, resuming a respectful distance between them. "Come," he said to all of them. "I suppose we have much to discuss."

Bones shook his head as they all walked back to Spock's vehicle. "If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, I wouldn't have believed it."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vulcan translations:
> 
> S'ti th'laktra - "I grieve with thee"  
> Qual se tu? - "Is it you?"  
> T'nash-veh yel - "my sun"  
> T'nash-veh aikum - "my moon"
> 
> Yeah, Jim and Spock are gooey, romantic shits. Who would've guessed. (Everyone. Everyone did.)


	5. The Reunion

The three travelers and Spock were circled up in the living room of the latter, Bones in an armchair, Zera on a wooden chair, and Jim and Spock on the couch. They sat drinking cool tea with mint that was surprisingly refreshing. "This is very good, Mr. Spock," said Zera, sipping from her cup. "And you grew it yourself?"

"Yes. My mother's affinity for horticulture apparently made an impression on me. My tea sells quite popularly, which allows me to support myself and my business. I also grow plomeeks and corn."

"Corn? But that's an Earth plant," Bones said in surprise.

"Yes, but it is a surprisingly popular comestible on Vulcan. Our kind have always liked sweet tastes, and corn has many possibilities in cooking."

"But getting these crops to grow, especially corn, on a desertous planet like Vulcan, must have been difficult," Zera said. "How ever did you manage it?"

"It was a challenge," Spock admitted. "But through several mechanical aides and genetic splicing, I was able to generate a considerable yield. I thought I would attempt tomatoes next, another food native to Earth I have always been partial to."

"If anyone could get Eden to grow out of the desert, Spock, it would be you," said Jim. His adoring gaze had barely left the long lost Vulcan since first sight. Zera again thought she saw a slight green blush spring to Spock's cheeks.

"Spock, I simply can't believe it," said Bones. "The once commander of Starfleet's flagship...is now a corn farmer."

"Why did you never get back in touch, Spock?" Jim said. "No one's heard from you in fifty years. We found out that you didn't complete kolinahr. But why didn't you come back to Starfleet?"

Spock was quiet for a second. "I seriously considered it. But I believed I should remain on Vulcan. I found Starfleet..." His gaze flitted in Jim's direction, then quickly back to his lap. "Compromising."

"Well..." Jim cautiously reached across the couch and touched Spock's hand. "I've missed you."

Spock looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

"I mean...we've all missed you," Jim corrected himself shyly.

After a moment, Spock responded. "I have missed your company as well, Jim."

Jim smiled, their eyes locked.

Bones cleared his throat, and made to get up from his seat. "Well, I know what _that_ look means. Come on, Zeera, let's leave these lovebirds alone to catch up."

"Bones!" said Jim, turning red.

"I wanted to get a look at the fields anyway," said Zera, also getting up and following Bones outside.

Jim and Spock were finally alone.

The two men sat there in silence for a moment, no idea how to start.

"You look well," Jim said cautiously, peering at the Vulcan out of the corner of his eye.

"Thank you," Spock responded. "As do you."

"Oh, I've gotten old," said Jim, laughing nervously. He patted his stomach. "Should've listened to Bones about eating my leafy greens. I've plumped up in my old age."

"Yes," agreed Spock, matter of factly. "But you are no less appealing to look at."

Jim looked at him in surprise. Then he smiled down at his lap and his cheeks turned red. "You old charmer, you."

"I was not attempting to be charming. I was merely stating a fact." But the corner of Spock's mouth pulled upward into an ever so slight smirk.

Jim chortled loudly. "Spock, you haven't changed a bit."

"Neither have you...Jim. Not that I object to seeing you again...but why are you here on Vulcan?"

Jim sighed. "Because...we were looking for you. We'd just given up when we broke down outside your farm."

"Once again, you almost make me believe in luck."

"Well, finding you after all hope was lost is definitely a miracle," Jim said, his smile crinkling his eyes at the corners. "Spock...I came because something happened to me. Something that reminded me of how great it was to have you around. I never stopped lo-...missing you. You're my best friend, Spock. I realized I had to see you again."

"Jim, I...I too, have..." Spock took a deep breath. "Do you know why I failed in my kolinahr?"

Jim shook his head.

"It was because of you."

Jim's eyes widened.

"I was at my final evaluation. After years of cleansing my mind of distracting emotion, intense meditation, and living in the wilderness without supercilious material comforts, I was finally ready to complete the ancient ritual. Or so I thought. But as my guru was about to perform the last rite, I heard something...your voice, in my mind, from across the stars."

"I thought of you often," Jim admitted breathlessly. "What did I say?"

"'Spock, I wish you were here to help me understand'." Spock smiled softly. "I felt you ache for me. And that erased everything I had achieved."

"Oh, Spock, I feel terrible," said Jim. "I made you fail? Didn't you get another chance?"

"T'Sai would not allow it," Spock said, shaking his head. "She told me, 'Your answer lies elsewhere, Spock.' But do you not see, Jim? I could not strip myself of my emotions entirely because you...you are even deeper in my blood than Vulcan... _t'hy'la_."

Jim gasped, knowing the meaning of that word.

Spock nodded. "In our years apart, I learned from my mother and older sister, Michael, more about the human side of my nature. I came to embrace it as I do my Vulcan half. I no longer feel ashamed of what I feel...what I feel for you." Spock leaned in and Jim's heart stopped as his beloved Vulcan placed a chaste, almost shy, kiss on his lips.

"Oh...Spock," whispered Jim. Stroking the other man's cheek, Jim kissed Spock back, softly and lingering on his lips. "Oh, Spock," Jim whispered again, closing his eyes and rubbing their noses together. "If you loved me, why did you never come back to me?"

"I had hurt you, Jim," Spock replied, stroking Jim's hands with his own, and the old admiral remembered that Vulcans kissed with their hands, and that realization made him softly moan. "What I did to you was unforgivable. I could not dare to come back to you after so long seeking your affections."

"Yes, you could," Jim said insistently. "You could always come back to me, darling. I'm yours, utterly yours. I forgive you."

"I am unworthy of you, for being so callous with your feelings." Spock was now kissing Jim's knuckles with his lips.

"Hush. You idiot." Jim pulled one of his hands free to stroke Spock's firm lips with the pad of his thumb. "You are so much more than worthy. You're the most wonderful, rare, lovely individual I've ever known. You have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you so much, Spock. _Taluhk nash-veh k'dular_."

"I cherish thee as well, _ashayam_ ," Spock whispered, just before Jim's mouth met his again.

* * *

"I hope those idiots have worked it out by now," Bones said as he and Zera trailed idly through the considerable rows of corn.

"I'm sure everything is going fine," said Zera, inspecting one of the impressively green leaves of the corn stalks. "Did you see the way they looked at each other? They're probably making out by now."

" _Eugh_..." Bones said in disgust. Then he was quiet for a moment, looking at the half-Tellarite girl awkwardly. "Listen, Zera...about what I said earlier...Jim told me about your father, and well..."

He hemmed and hawed. Zera stared at him expectantly.

Bones sighed. "You've been good to Jim. Through some miracle, you got him back to his hobgoblin, and well, I...I am truly sorry. I had no right, I was horrible-"

"It's alright, Bones," Zera cut him off. "You didn't know."

"Yeah, but I...I shouldn'ta said what I said...oh damn it, I'm bad at apologizing."

" _Leonard_." Zera put her hand on Bones's shoulder. "It's alright."

Bones slowly smiled. He nodded.

Zera sighed. "Let's go back inside. I'm roasting out here."

Bones opened his mouth.

" _Don't_ ," Zera cut him off abruptly. "I heard it as soon as I said it."

Bones chuckled as he took Zera's arm and they ambled back to the farmhouse.

* * *

Zera and Bones walked in and saw that Jim and Spock were kissing quite passionately. " _Dahhh!_ " Bones exclaimed, covering his eyes.

"You should have knocked," Spock said. Jim had a smirk on his face, and Spock even looked a little amused.

"Aww, I think it's cute!" said Zera, grinning. "Making out like you're teenagers again."

"Remember, youngster, you're never too old to neck," Jim chuckled.

"Dammit, that's going to be a regular occurrence from now on, isn't it?" Bones sighed.

"Well, I'm not sure." Jim looked at Spock. "Where do we go from here? We can't very well stay apart anymore; after all, we've got fifty years to make up for."

"I have been pondering the same quandary," Spock said.

"While I was kissing you? Apparently I wasn't doing a good enough job if you still had coherent thought," laughed Jim.

"You were more than adequate," Spock assured him. "The problem still remains. We are both quite settled down on our respective home worlds. But since regularly commuting between Vulcan and Earth seems an illogical arrangement, I have a fair solution."

Spock crossed the room and fetched something out of a wooden box. He came back and held out his open palm. In it sat a simple, silver colored coin. A piece of old Earth currency, that Zera believed was called a quarter.

"Hey, I remember this!" said Jim excitedly. "You saved this quarter from our trip to 1930s Earth! Remember what Edith said about us? She said that you belonged at my side." Jim smiled. "I guess she was right."

"Indeed." Spock smiled. "To settle this conflict, I suggest we, to employ a human adage, 'flip for it'. And if those terms are unacceptable...leaving Vulcan will be a pleasure, as long as you are waiting for me on Earth."

Jim gazed at him in completely adoration. "How did I ever let you get away?" He tugged Spock down by the front of his robes into another deep kiss.

Zera sighed and nudged Bones triumphantly. "Tell me that true love is crap now."

_The End._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And it's done! I included references to the novelization of "Star Trek: The Motion Picture", "Killing Time", and the Star Trek episodes "A Taste Of Armageddon" and "City On The Edge Of Forever". Also, bonus points if you caught the quote from Pride And Prejudice!
> 
> Come follow me on Tumblr at victorian-sexstache.tumblr.com. -Catie ❤️


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